So today was better then it has been . I ate two little bags of cheez-its from the vending machine at school then went to lunch with my friends and ate two chicken strips and like 3 fries. I told my mom that I ate at work so I didn’t have to eat dinner when I got home. I have a really bad habit of eating a lot at work but today it was really easy to resist. I only ate one or two little pieces of chicken and that was it. I was going to run when I got home from work but I didn’t end up getting home till ten and I was too tired and it was too cold to go outside. But I’m going to start walking everyday after school with my mom now so at least ill have that. I’m really bad at excercising so I’m trying to walk and workout more. I figure what I ate today is better then I have been doing and I actually am trying to exercise so I’m getting closer to my goal. I’m going to go look into those pills as soon as I get paid. My friends all went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday but I couldn’t go because I’m grounded. I wanted to go but I know if I did I would have ate more then I wanted to and if I didn’t eat my friends would suspect something.  I’ve never been so thankful to be grounded. I’m going to bed now before I fall asleep on my computer. If I’m sleeping I can think about food or eat right? Sounds like a good strategy to me :]

Goodnight!

so today i still did really bad at my goal. i have acctually been doingreally good until a couple of days ago. i ate a little bit of 7-layer bean dip and spinach dip during school and subway after. i guess its good that subway wwas healthy. but i got to skip dinner which was acctually pretty easy because i just told my mom i ate at work. i didnt eat at home even though i was hungry and just drank more water when i wanted to eat. i decided im going to start acctually trying harder and doingthis right, i am NOT eating morethen once a day and im goingto stick with it, i have to.


i keep wantingto comment other people for support but i cant because i havent confirmed my membership yet or whatver but it wont send me a thing and ive requested a new one like 3 times.


update tomorrow.
<3

So I decided to write this because I have no one to talk to about it that won’t freak out. I know that my mom thinks that I m trying to make myself lose weight for whatever reason she does. And its not that I want to lose weight I just want to maybe lose a few pounds or maintain what I have now. I have been pretty good at monitoring what I eat but every once in a while, like tonight, I have to leave that path. I know my mom thinks something is gone but I don’t want her to make something out of nothing. I don’t want to go to the doctor which she is now saying. I don’t think I have a problem that I need to hide from doctors but I know they will make it so she monitors it and watches to make sure I eat. Then I will definitely gain more weight which I don’t want. I do eat everyday I just make sure it’s not too much. I like what I have going on and I don’t want it to change. It’s not like i'm going to be anorexic and turn in to something like that. Last time I checked I weigh 111. It goes between anywhere from 111 to 115. I actually haven’t been 111 or anything under 112 for a long time. I don’t think i’m fat and I don’t want people to think I do, I know my mom will call my dad and they will make a big deal out of this especially if the doctor says something. I like how my arms look. But I really want to thin out my thighs and have a skinnier stomach; those are my only goals for now.

                I decided on my diet for now. I eat once at school, a snack at break. It’s usually a bag of cheez-its. Which i’m sure isn’t the best for me but whatever. Then when I get home I eat a little snack if anything and i’m good for the day. Between going out during the day and working the rest of the time I don’t really worry about food and I like it that way. After doing a little research on diet I learned that every time i’m hungry and I want to eat or I think about food I just drink water. It will fill my stomach and give me the feeling that there is something in it, and at the same time burn calories. It has gone good so far until today. I have always been able to barely eat and get away with it but now my mom is starting to catch on so I have to be careful with how I pursue this whole thing. I had to eat when I woke up and enough to satisfy her from attacking me about it. I had one piece of pizza and a couple bites out of another piece. It was fattening for sure and is probably one of the worst things to have eaten.  I was set for the rest of the day because I worked from 2:30 to 8:45. That was six hours for me to not eat and not worry about people hassling my about it. I was hoping I could just tell my mom that I ate at work to avoid eating when I got home like I have before but that wasn’t the case. She had called me while I was working to tell me that they went out for dinner and she would get me something while they were there. I couldn’t answer and tell her I had already ate so I called her after work hoping there was still a chance to get out of it. Unfortunately she was already home and ordered my one of the most fattening items on the menu, literally. I had an entire to-go box of fettuccini Alfred that I had to eat. I thought about just telling her I had already ate but I know with speculations all ready there that excuse wouldn’t fly. So I had to eat the plate which was accompanied my two pieces of cheese bread. I ate about half the plate and part of one piece of cheese bread. Although it was enough to leave my mother from complaining it was way too much for my body to handle.

                I was trying to pretend like nothing was wrong to keep from her from being suspicious but I was so full I honestly just wanted to throw up. I sat watching Desperate Housewives but all I could think about was how full I as. I wish I could have just gone into the bathroom and made myself to throw up to get all of that out of my body. Although I wanted to I knew that I couldn’t do it or my mom would flip out. I sat and finished the show and then the one after. My stomach finally settled but it still feels way full even now. I have to thing of a way to get this under control and formulate a plan to get my mom to stop worrying about it. I’m going to bed now so ill update you tomorrow.